The INFJ Door Slam

People are inherently good, albeit subjectively or objectively, there is good in most people. This is a realisation that i'm sure, if we all looked hard enough, we can arrive at. As important as it is to understand this about the people in our lives, it is also important to internalise this view. Self care is so important. Taking time to understand yourself and to appreciate yourself is vital to your happiness. 

Perhaps it's the nature of my personality type that continually encourages me to explore the complexities of the mind. One of my favourite things to do, is to read about personality types! If the title didn't give it away, I am an INFJ! There's probably a few of you who have no clue what that means so before I go any deeper, I will briefly explain. 

According to Myers Briggs personality test (based on Jung personality theory), there are 16 different personality types. If you take the test you will receive 4 letters, all of which refer to different components of your personality. You can read a break down of what this all means and the results are incredibly accurate. If you want to read further on this and take the test yourself, I will leave links at the bottom of this post. 

So I am an INFJ. I've been doing lots of reading into this and I have come across something called 'The INFJ door slam'. Being an INFJ myself, I can completely relate to it but for most other types and in particular the people who have been on the receiving end of a door slam, it's a little bit misunderstood. So, let me demystify it for you a little.

What Is a door slam?

INFJ are like sponges to emotion. I'm not exaggerating when I say that we feel everything! Sometimes that is a little bit overwhelming because we rarely take time for ourselves in our quest to constantly help others and support their needs. It's in the INFJ's nature to want to help and as a result, they can often find themselves in bad situations refusing to leave because they believe that they can find the good in it. A door slam is when the INFJ closes the door on a relationship in order to stop the emotional pain. This can be quite alarming for some, as suddenly your INFJ seems to just disappear from your life. 

From an external view, This can come across as being cold hearted. It should be noted that a door slam is a last resort. INFJ's are so sensitive therefore being stuck in a bad situation can completely overwhelm them. If there is no resolution and this negativity continues, the INFJ will shut you out simply because it is too much for them to handle. This should not be thought of as an act of anger that conflicts with the INFJ's caring nature, but instead an act of self preservation.

If you don't see the inner mechanisms, this does seem quite cold hearted, and due to the way that the INFJ will act towards you after a door slam, you will assume that they just stopped caring. This is not the case. The underlying truth is that we care too much, so much so that it internally destroys us. No INFJ will take a door slam lightly. It is a last resort and is by no means an easy choice.     

Can you open a closed door?    

It is often said that once a door is closed, there is no opening it again. This is not necessarily the case, but do not expect anything in the near future. The door may re-open but only when the problem is solved. It takes time to re-build a burnt bridge so you can expect your INFJ to let you back in with huge caution (considering they want to let you back in). This is hardly surprising when recounting how difficult it was to get to know them in the first place. If anything, we will be more cautious of letting you in a second time then we were the first. This is due to both our reserved and introverted nature, and feeling deeply hurt by the situation.
Closing doors

Using the term 'door slam' as opposed to 'closing a door' perpetuates the idea that this is an aggressive act. It propels the notion that we are giving someone the silent treatment. The term 'slam' refers to the suddenness that the other person experiences when they are shut out (as it is in our nature to think things through in our head before we share them), however, I want to reiterate that this is not an act of anger or immaturity. In fact it is entirely the opposite. An INFJ door slam is a measure of self care, which in turn makes us feel a sense of calm and demonstrates our highest maturity.

So, for anyone who has been door slammed, we are aware of how it must feel. We are sorry. We do not think you are a bad person. We do see the good in you and we hope that ultimatly you can understand why we came to this decision.  

If you are not an INFJ or you don't relate to this is any way, I would love to know your opinion on self care. Please comment below what self care is for you. Also, feel free to share your personality results with me! 

P.S. Let me know if you enjoy these kind of posts!

I have set up an INFJ board of Pinterest which can be found here

If you interetsed to know your personality type, then there is a free test here >>>> 

Want to know more about the Myers Briggs personality test? 

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